In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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