Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
