not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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