OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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