i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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