Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.