Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well