all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it