I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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