You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.