he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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