Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
