His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
