I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize