Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
