you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
