So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize