yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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