if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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