you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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