He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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