if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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