Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
