either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.