omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.