Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR