My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?