I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.