Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
