So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
