this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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