The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
