why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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