you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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