i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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