Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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