I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
