i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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