It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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