i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
