So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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