Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
