its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
