does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
