Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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