A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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