Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
