ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
