Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
