My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The Olympian is in my bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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