Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
