he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
