Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
