Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
