She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
