wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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