Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize