I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
