My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
