Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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