We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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