Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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