His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
