i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
