your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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