he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
